They walk among us!

Dearest Comrades!

We do not understand the ways of the future! When we walk our feet tread only upon the ground, we have not perfected teleportation, solar power, and especially this, the skin of man was not meant to survive naked in winter.  We made a jacket, we made a knife, we made fire, and like this, we survived, we ate only potatoes, but we survived, we were still cold, but we survived. Persevered. A science teacher in middle school once told me, that if a starving human and a cow were locked in room,  the human, without tools, would starve to death. He cannot chew through the hide, nor tear at the jugular. A tiger has large canine teeth and claws. Not to mention that the raw meat would most likely upset the human's stomach. But as I said we do not understand the ways of the future.
However, Peter Prometheus-Winters does.
This man found me in a crowd.  I am from Morgantown. Were his first words. I knew this was bullshit because of his plastic suit. Comrades, in Morgantown it is not the fashion to wear plastic suits. Especially not with zipper running from top of ass to bottom of belly-button. This man could only be from the future. In the future we will wear these suits to reflect our moods, much like the mood ring, the mood necklace, and mood nail polish. Peter Prometheus-Winters was an artist. He designed this very suit and many like it. Though he primarily deals in statues of snails and photographs of feet. His futurist knowledge made him a Da Vinci of sorts.  He told me to come with him if I wanted to live, then he asked me for forty dollars, so that he could get some diesel gasoline to go, and see his mother who was dying of cancer in Wheeling. It seems odd that we would not cure cancer in the future, and especially that his mother was here and not there. Alas! Peter continued on, in 1981, Peter Prometheus-Winters approached president Reagan and attempted to mandate that all of America's children wear the plastic mood suits. He was arrested. He tried again in 89, but H.W. Bush did the same, as did Clinton. In 2000 he retured home.  To Morgantown. Man was not ready for the plastic mood suit. Perhaps it is the zipper that deters our interest?

The Lion, the Witch and Windoor!

Dearest Comrades!

Usually, when you open a wardrobe within lies clothing, or a snow covered country with a giant, creepy satyr wearing a vest or a pair of lederhosen. In Pittsburgh, however, there exists no such animal. When opening a wardrobe one must be extremely careful not to plummet to their death below.  This has since caused a panic among Pittsburgian parents due to the increasing number of children falling out of various windoors throughout the city.  The windoor was invented in the early eighties when a man, Koresh Davidson, saw an ad for patenting inventions. He was fascinated by the rising fame of the man who had invented the slinky, or silly putty and could not imagine a world where these toys were not a part of every child's growing up. Koresh had a problem, he found that the security provided by a thin sheet of glass was dogged and without use. Fed up with repeated burglaries, he removed the front door to his house and placed it where there was once a window at the end of a long hall. The burglar never entered through that window again. Instead, he walked in through the gaping hole where the door once was, and carried off Koresh Davidson's sofa and a gigantic, normal-sized-at-the-time 1980's microwave. On his way out, he found the window, and broke it anyway. The next morning when Koresh found the shattered window he decided that vengeance would be his. That evening when the burglar arrived, Koresh slid a large dresser in front of the door so as to camouflage the point of regress. After taking a bite out of all of the fruits in his refrigerator, and then, afterward putting each one back, the burglar attempted to leave. He wandered the house, sure that the exit was just around the corner. He ascended the stairs, but was sure that the exit was not beyond three stories. Finally, a door appeared, at the end of the hall. Koresh Davidson leaped out! The burglar sprinted for the door and swung it open. Two things never happened again, one, the burglar never burgled again, nor did he ever walk, and Koresh Davidson never found a job again. In fact, the burglar sued Mr. Davidson and won the suit citing that the house was built out of the specific zoning for the area. Broke, and with no job, Koresh Davidson moved to Waco, Tx after finding a job prospect in the personal ads.