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| Modern Science |
Dearest Comrades!
Primitive Science and Modern Science met one morning on the Northside in Pittsburgh. Modern Science had been walking for miles, along the Allegheny river. His mouth was parched, chapped with the tireless winds and capricious nature of the clouds and sun. "Give me some of your water." Modern Science spoke. Being, a sweltering, summer day, and forty miles from the nearest source of potable water, Primitive Science said, "Hell no, get your own water, buddy." Modern Science had anticipated Primitive Science's reluctance, and offered him a large gold piece. "What the hell am I supposed to do with that?" Modern Science told him he could buy something with it, at the store. "WTF! Am I supposed to just walk into a cave and be like, here is this rock, give me a beer and some deer jerky or some fruits and berries." Modern Science nodded his head. Primitive Science laughed the rock off and began to walk away. No wait! Modern Science called after him, what about a beaker? I have a Bunsen burner as well. Primitive Science shook his head to all offers. Fed up, Modern Science removed the gloves from his hands and tossed them to the ground. Alright then, you have forced me to force you, to hand it over! Modern Science's eyes shined with glassy anger. He rolled up his sleeves, and knickers, then raised his fists in defense.
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| Primitive Science |
Modern Science threw the first blow, which came more in the shape of a shove than a knuckled blow. Primitive Science looked on as the man danced ridiculously before him. Finally Modern Science slugged Primitive Science in the nose. Give me the water! He shouted. No, responded the Primitive Scientist. Perceiving that he was being attacked Primitive Science picked up a large branch from the ground and WHACK! He struck the Modern Scientist on the head. Fed up, the Modern Science pulled a revolver from his satchel and pointed it at Primitive Science. Give me the Water! Primitive Science denied him once more. "Get your own! There's a river that way." I can't drink that water, Modern Science said, it's got the germs in it. "Germs," spoke Primitive Science. "Tiny microbes that take over your body." Primitive Science laughed, "Don't be stupid, fool, there ain't shit in that water, but fish and river creatures." "No, dude, seriously, they're so small the human eye can't even see them, but they're there and they'll F-you up." Modern Science lowered the gun and opened his hand beseeching the Primitive Scientist to lower his branch. "That is not true, the human eye sees everything." "No" "Yes" "Naw-aw" "Yeah-haw." "Okay fine." Modern Science spoke, "then just let me have a few sips." Primitive Science made a revolting face, "Hell no, that's dirty fool. I can't be touching your slobber." Okay I'll tell you what, Modern Science spoke, I'll give you my boomstick (his revolver) and a blanket. All you gotta do is give me sip of water. "Okay," Primitive Science said, "But I'll just pour it into your mouth, you can't be touching my goat stomach canteen with that dirty facial hair covered mouth." After the sip of water, Modern Science and Primitive Science parted ways. Primitive Science died of small pox three days later.
