I saw a woman ride her bicycle topless around Friendship park. Although it was difficult to discern at first glance whether it was male or female, the obvious fact remains that topless bike riding is commonly a guy's thing. Let's just say it took me more than a general second. Oh no! I am not against this practice, not in the least. Bicycle nudity should be embraced on all levels. Bobby Ahogar embraced this principle, he was a knack of all trades, he welded, performed poetry at the nearest cafe, was a barista at the local crazy coffee store, but above all he was well crafted in the art
of thievery. He was not always such, larceny is not inborn, one must work hard to achieve even the slightest of talents, in fact it took over 1200 hours of deliberate practice to make him a level 5 thief. Even then, he could only purse-snatch with a two yard head start. On foot, his wind sprint was a, flaccid breeze, a jog for the oldest of women. Eventually he took to purse snatching on bicycle. In the hill-infested city of Pittsburgh this proved to be an almost fatal choice for the boy. Bobby Ahogar, being unable to ride up the hill to make his escape was often captured as a result. On more than one occasion he was pummeled by angry AARP members, and left a
cane beaten mess. When he was finally able to make it up the hill, the downward slide was equally as troublesome. He became intimate with all three of Pittsburgh rivers, and even managed to be dyed a pink hue by falling into the breast cancer fountain at the point in downtown. It was obvious that Bobby Ahogar could not swim. He joined the YMCA, he watched youtube videos, read books, studied swimmers, he even joined the guppies competitive swim team from which he was eventually cut, but nothing could help him to keep his head above water. Eventually he was killed. Alas! He was drowned in the waters of the Allegheny river. Since then, thieves in Pittsburgh salute his efforts by sporting floaties on their bicycle runs.
