The Destructo Button

I was going to the Trader Joe's, and as I waited for the Mr. Walk to appear on the crosswalk, I noticed this sign where the stoplight pole was. I hesitated instead of pressing the button. The light did not change. The cars drove by, without heeding my attempts to step out into the street. People approached the crosswalk, other people, saw the sign, and continued on. They jaywalked. They certainly did not press the button, though. This is not a joke.  There is a Giant Eagle, a Trader Joe's and a Target. An explosion of this magnitude could ungentrify the whole of East Liberty. Imagine a hole from Bakery square to the empty building where Borders used to be, to Whole foods even.  I'm not joking.  This is serious.  Would you like to see a thousand hipsters flying through the Pittsburgh skies mixed with Quinoa and worm composte? I wonder how long it's been there. One day? One month? A year? Even if it was there a day I'm pretty impressed. Cause a city that could destroy the world with the touch of a button is one that I would like to live in.

I mean the Yinzer don't even care. They walk by it like it was a bus sign. I don't, not yet. If you're ever pissed you could like go there and just pretend like you could end the world. You could stand there and be like the Kids in the Hall guy that would lead them through a winding stair case, and then up through an attic passage to only squish their heads between his fingers, and when they would get pissed, you could threaten them not to come closer.
In Shitsburgh the Destructo Button is for threat only.
I mean we are pretty lucky to finally have a Trader Joes.


It's at the corner of Penn and Shady ave. If you're ever pissed, you know.