An End of the World Romance

Freytag Guntag and his wooing styles!

We may have carried on, but, in truth, the world ended on the 21st of May  2011. Now people didn't die, the earth didn't open into a gaping hole and swallow us, and it really wasn't as dramatic as it is on TV. Little changed. PBS is gone, so is NPR, and the Pirates are winning. There is one major drawback, and that is, that there are some noxious gases floating about that can cause:

• Abdominal pain
• Blurred vision
• Constipation
• Diarrhea
• Dizziness
• Headaches
• Loss of appetite
• Memory loss
• Improved Memory
• Palpitations
• Bradycardia
• Problems with coordination
• Ringing in the ears
• Deafness
• Skin rashes or hives
• Swelling of hands or feet
• Syncope (loss of consciousness or fainting)
• and Death

MONA

  Freytag Guntag a man chronically in love, and savvy to the May 21 situation, created a social networking sight dedicated to reconnecting post doomsday romantics. He called it Amore Apocalyptica. His plan was to repopulate the earth, but mostly, he wanted to find a date. You see comrades, this man, in his past life was hideous. He had pimples since birth and a beard too. The beard and the rest of his hair, fell out at the onset of puberty. This gasmask fashion would prove beneficial to Freytag Guntag. Or so he thought. The website was an instant hit. The mighty Yinzers took to the streets and cafes of the city. Suddenly everyone had dates, people were promiscuous, and happy. Everyone except Freytag Guntag of course.  His drought had turned to a cracked earth famine. Initially he tried adding flare to his gas mask. He painted flames on the sides, he added glitter, and a sticker of his favorite band. Unfortunately for him, flames were not popular, glitter was not manly, and respectable man of middle age or earth listened to the Strokes. He had no idea what he was doing wrong. Then he one morning he received an instant message.

MARCELLA

You need to brush up your profile. Try writing something like: "I like hot dogs and apple pie" Instead of, "I like slappin that ass." And for dislikes try, "I dislike intolerance" instead of, "I dislike fat bitches." Oh and for attributes, you should tell us something nice about your personality, not, "I'm part horse from the waist down."                  Hope this helps.                                                                                    -Marcella

He put some thought into it and just like that his luck changed. He had more dates than he had time. He went with Mona to the planetarium. The Allegheny River with Megan to catch mutated turtles for dinner, and countless other dates. 

Life was good. 

MEGAN

MARLA

MIRANDA

Marla, Miranda, Megan. He never did find Marcella again. His many messages of thank you, and appreciation went unanswered. Eventually, Freytag Guntag had a family. He could never thank Marcella enough, hiding the fact that he was indeed horse from the waist down proved beneficial to him in passing on his genes. Nobody likes a braggart, but centaurs weren't exactly chick magnets either.