In Japanese folklore there is a demon. Jigoku Shoujo. Who specializes in vengeance; to obtain this, all you had to do was go to the temple, write the name of the person you wanted to get revenge on, and nail it to the announcement board. Shortly thereafter the demon would appear, give you a tiny straw man with a string tied around his neck, and when you pulled the string said person would be banished to hell. Unfortunately, when you died, you would go to hell too. Let's say you get pissed off real bad at someone; like a kid getting pissed at his parents cause they grounded him and he can't use the Nintendo, or you get bullied, or someone breaks up with you and you're devastated, or a veterinarian doesn't save your pet dog because he wants to go golfing instead. Let us say one of the above occurs and your pissed. Some one did _____________ and you're pissed, and you want to exact a cruel revenge upon them. In the land of the rising sun (that is Japan, and no it is not in Mexico), you call Jigoku Shoujo. In the Burgh, there is a hell button in the Cathedral of Learning.
There are three men living in the stairwell in the Cathedral of Learning. Bigelow Bill was the most visible of the three. He was helping the others nurse diabetic ulcers, and often times he was sent out to find food and remedies. I know this, because I jog everyday up and down that flights of stairs. This morning on my jog I saw a hand. It was dangling through the wrought iron bars of the handrails. I tell you my comrades I am usually the type to never get involved in such chicanery. Obviously it was a dead woman as you can imagine. Unfortunately she died between the 11th and the 12th floors. She died, in fact, at the exact middle point. As you can see this proves to be a severe dilemma. Which floor is responsible? Is it the Hispanic languages department? Is it Slavic languages? I mean there are some floors with at least two or three departments. Does the door closest to the stairwell take the dead?
I am unsure if you are aware, but I am a chronic rule-follower. It took every ounce of strength and will power for me to step over the body and continue on. However two flights later I came across another young woman strewn about in the exact same spot. She was expired. Pale, rigor, dead. Worst of all was her term paper. I read it, I find it best that she died when she did. The paper was ungraded, and with her death maybe some other piece of work will be used to remember her by. I am hoping she was a good dancer, or weightlifter.
This woman died somewhere between philosophy, and classics. This time I could not get away. Bigelow Bill appeared, he appeared to hop like a tiny bird, coy at first, but then he begged me for assistance. I asked him, "How now Bigelow Bill, what have you there in your the hand behind your back?" He told me had seen the hell button. He said he saw it work too. He did not push the button, but was more like a witness. These are the honest words of Bigelow Bill:
Bobby Bogart was popular with the women. What he was not was popular with, was everybody else. Dangling-Arm girl pressed the hell button to get rid of Shitty-Term-Paper girl. Then Bobby Bogart pressed it to get rid of Dangling-Arm girl.
Bigelow Bill requested that I be a character witness, for when he went on trial. I believe this to be on account of him having to go door-to-door to tell people he's moving in. But notwithstanding, I conceded his request. It did not matter. Bigelow Bill was taken into custody and tried for the murder of both young ladies and Bobby Bogart. Apparently undergraduates are a great source of protein, and can aid in the recovery of Diabetic ulcerations.
As for the Hell-Button my delicious little comrades, go to the cathedral. It is located right by the elevator next to the computer sciences or engineering or some kind of machine based departement. If you seek vengeance upon a veterinarian, or something of the sort, you must search there.
There are three men living in the stairwell in the Cathedral of Learning. Bigelow Bill was the most visible of the three. He was helping the others nurse diabetic ulcers, and often times he was sent out to find food and remedies. I know this, because I jog everyday up and down that flights of stairs. This morning on my jog I saw a hand. It was dangling through the wrought iron bars of the handrails. I tell you my comrades I am usually the type to never get involved in such chicanery. Obviously it was a dead woman as you can imagine. Unfortunately she died between the 11th and the 12th floors. She died, in fact, at the exact middle point. As you can see this proves to be a severe dilemma. Which floor is responsible? Is it the Hispanic languages department? Is it Slavic languages? I mean there are some floors with at least two or three departments. Does the door closest to the stairwell take the dead?
I am unsure if you are aware, but I am a chronic rule-follower. It took every ounce of strength and will power for me to step over the body and continue on. However two flights later I came across another young woman strewn about in the exact same spot. She was expired. Pale, rigor, dead. Worst of all was her term paper. I read it, I find it best that she died when she did. The paper was ungraded, and with her death maybe some other piece of work will be used to remember her by. I am hoping she was a good dancer, or weightlifter.This woman died somewhere between philosophy, and classics. This time I could not get away. Bigelow Bill appeared, he appeared to hop like a tiny bird, coy at first, but then he begged me for assistance. I asked him, "How now Bigelow Bill, what have you there in your the hand behind your back?" He told me had seen the hell button. He said he saw it work too. He did not push the button, but was more like a witness. These are the honest words of Bigelow Bill:
Bobby Bogart was popular with the women. What he was not was popular with, was everybody else. Dangling-Arm girl pressed the hell button to get rid of Shitty-Term-Paper girl. Then Bobby Bogart pressed it to get rid of Dangling-Arm girl. Bigelow Bill requested that I be a character witness, for when he went on trial. I believe this to be on account of him having to go door-to-door to tell people he's moving in. But notwithstanding, I conceded his request. It did not matter. Bigelow Bill was taken into custody and tried for the murder of both young ladies and Bobby Bogart. Apparently undergraduates are a great source of protein, and can aid in the recovery of Diabetic ulcerations.
As for the Hell-Button my delicious little comrades, go to the cathedral. It is located right by the elevator next to the computer sciences or engineering or some kind of machine based departement. If you seek vengeance upon a veterinarian, or something of the sort, you must search there.
No comments:
Post a Comment